Next     Back

Jing's Magazine(February 1,2007)

1. 早晨我吃不下饭， 因为我想你；中午我吃不下饭，因为我更加想你；晚上我吃不下饭，因为我疯狂想你；夜里我睡不着，因为……我饿。
2. 一个三岁的小男孩拉着一个三岁的小女孩的手说：“我爱你。”小女孩说：“你能为我的未来负责吗？”小男孩说：“当然能！我们都不是一两岁的人了！”
3. 收此信息你就是喜欢我了，删除你就是暗恋我了，回信息你就是想娶我了，不回则答应娶我了，修改就死都是我的人，储存则下辈子都归我！你就看着办吧！
4. 我昨晚梦到你了：我们漫步在小河边，相互依偎着。你抬头凝视着我的眼睛，深情地吐出三个字……汪汪汪。
5. 可爱的你偷走我的情、盗走我的心，我决定告你上法庭，该判你什么罪呢？法官翻遍所有的犯罪记录和案例，最后陪审团一致通过：判你终生归我。
6. 如果政府规定一个人一生只能找一个女子，我情愿那个人就是你，我无怨无悔，至死不渝！但偏偏政府没规定……那就算了！
7.我无法保证，无法向你承诺什么，但我会做到。如果有一天你有饥饿的感觉，那时你定会看到，我已含笑饿死在你的怀抱中。
8. 据说最早的爱情诗是这样写的：你来自云南元谋，我来自北京周口，牵着你毛茸茸的小手，轻轻地咬上一小口，啊！是爱情让我们直立行走
9. 如果世界上只剩下一滴水，我会让你喝，因为那是我的泪,如果世界上只剩下一分钟，我会对你说六十次：“我爱你！”
10.两个相爱的玉米粒决定结婚，可是婚礼时新郎怎么也找不到新娘，新郎问一直跟在身边的一个爆米花，爆米花害羞得说：讨厌！人家穿的是婚纱！
11. 我对佛许愿你永远快乐，佛说永远不行只能四天。我说春天夏天秋天冬天。佛愣：俩天。我笑：白天黑天。佛狂吐：一天。我大笑：生命中的每一天！
12. 刚刚遇到天使在淋雨,我便把雨伞借给了她,她问我要荣华还是富贵,我说我什么都不要,只要现在看短信的人生幸福,一生快乐!
13. 如果这一生我可以有1000次好运，我愿意把998次都分给你，只留两次给自己：一次是遇见你，一次是永远陪你走！
14. 天使把人间美丽的女人登记造册，送上帝审阅，上帝看后吩咐：圣诞节快到了，给最善良最能干最聪明最美丽的女人发个短信：祝她永远平安幸福健康快乐！
15. 圣诞将至，勿忘贯彻三个代表：你始终代表中国美女的发展方向，始终代表中国女性智慧和气质的前进方向，始终是中国最广大男人的梦中情人代表！
16. 为答谢朋友们一直以来对本人的支持，特在圣诞来临之际举行大派送活动，凡在本人心目中有一定地位的朋友将提前获得价值一毛钱的短信一条，祝圣诞快乐！
17. 女孩吃吧吃吧不是罪，再胖的人也有权利去增肥。苗条背后其实是憔悴，爱你的人不会在意你的腰围。尝尝阔别已久美食的滋味。就算撑死也是一种美。
18. 有句话一直没敢对你说，可是新年再不说就没机会了：你真地好讨厌………………………………讨人喜欢，百看不厌！
19. 我昨天到医院做了检查，今天刚去拿了报告，医生说我有点问题，他们说我的肺没什么，我的肝也没什么，但在我心里发现了你！
20. 愿所有和尚为你蓄发，所有王子给你电话，所有帅哥给你送花，所有男人为你变成傻瓜。祝看短信的美女笑哈哈！
21. 很久没收到你的信息，俺很心疼。俺想到死，曾用薯片割过脉；用豆腐撞过头；用降落伞跳过楼；用面条上过吊。可都墨死成，你就请俺吃顿饭，撑死俺算了。
22. 大象把大便排在路中央，一只蚂蚁正好路过，它抬头望了望那云雾缭绕的顶峰，不禁唱到：呀啦索，这就是青藏高原！~~~~
23. 送你12生肖，祝你聪明如鼠，强壮如牛，胆大如虎，可爱如兔，自信如龙，魅力如蛇，浪漫如马，温顺如羊，顽皮如猴，美丽如鸡，忠诚如狗，长得像猪！
24. 征婚启事：男，本科，只差几分；在跨国机构上班，麦当劳擦桌子；有房，多人拥有；有车，非机动；觅貌美女青年共赴黄泉，若干年后。
25. 女人谨记：一定要吃好玩好睡好喝好,一但累死了,就别的女人花咱的钱，住咱的房，睡咱的老公，泡咱的男朋友，还打咱的娃.

A little boy asked his mother "Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm a woman", she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His mum just hugged him and said, "And you never will..."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason" was all his dad could say...
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to GOD; when GOD got on the phone, the man said "GOD, why do women cry so easily?"
GOD said "When I made women she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children...
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining...
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt them very badly...
This same sensitivity helps her make a child's boo-boo feel better and shares in their teenagers anxieties and fears...
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart...
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly...
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed, this is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

1. When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."

2. After dinner mom and daughter washed the dishes together. Dad and son watched TV in the dining-room. Suddenly, there was the breaking sound from the kitchen. After that, it was a silence. Son looked at his dad and said:"It must be mom broke the dish." "How do you know?" Dad asked. Son answered:"As she didn't blame anyone."

3. A said to B:"My new neighbor is very disgusting. Last night he pressed my bell at midnight." B:"That is very annoying. Did you call the police at that time?" A answered:"No. I regard him as a mad man. I continue to blow my bugle."

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree.
A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday.
He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow...
He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him.
Time went by...the little boy had grown up, And he no longer played around the tree every day.
One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad.
"Come and play with me," the tree asked the boy.
"I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more" The boy replied.
"I want toys. I need money to buy them."
"Sorry, but I do not have money...
But you can pick all my apples and sell them.
So, you will have money. "
The boy was so excited.
He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily.
The boy never came back after he picked the apples.
The tree was sad.
One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned.
And the tree was excited "Come and play with me" the tree said.
I do not have time to play.
I have to work for my family.
We need a house for shelter.
Can you help me?
Sorry, I do not have any house.
But you can chop off my branches to build your house.
So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily.
The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then.
The tree was again lonely and sad.
One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted.
"Come and play with me!" the tree said.
"I am getting old.
I want to go sailing to relax myself.
Can you give me a boat?" Said the man.
"Use my trunk to build your boat.
You can sail far away and be happy."
So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat.
He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.
Finally, the man returned after many years.
"Sorry, my boy.
But I do not have anything for you anymore.
No more apples for you..." The tree said.
"No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite." The man replied.
"No more trunk for you to climb on."
"I am too old for that now," the man said.
"I really cannot give you anything...
The only thing left is my dying root," The tree said with tears.
"I do not need much now, just a place to rest.
I am tired after all these years," the man replied.
"Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, come, come sit down with me and rest."
The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears...
This is you and the tree is your parents!!!

1.人月两团圆，万事随心愿。恭祝君长乐，幸福比月圆。
2.彩云易散却，霁月难逢再，银霜洒大地，秋露泽苍生。客途无秋恨，他乡觅欢欣。花好月圆夜，秋雁衔环归。山寒风露静，揽月入胜景。赏罢好归去，十六月更圆。祝明日更快乐！
3.我的祝福有来啦!收到的人春风得意,阅读的人工作顺利,回复的人财源广进,储存的人甜甜蜜蜜,转发的人大吉大利,删除的人依然好运!祝您和家人、朋友:中秋节快乐!
4.国庆中秋巧相遇,亲朋好友盼欢聚!祝福节日快乐!
5.中秋节快到了，想想没有什么送给你的，只有给你五千万；千万要快乐；千万要平安；千万要健康；千万要知足；千万要顺利！中秋佳节快乐！
6.月很圆、花更香,祝你和全家中秋节快乐!:-)好运天天有!
7.圣旨到：奉天承运，皇帝召曰：由于你去年中秋节欠我三毛钱至今未还，罚你三天不准拉屎，拉屎不准带纸，带纸不过三尺，直到憋死为止！钦此，领纸！
8.天苍苍野茫茫,暴富的日子太渺茫!水湾湾路长长,没钱的日子太漫长!楼高高人忙忙,今夜相约抢银行!接头暗号:中秋将至,提前(钱)快乐!
9.心到想到得到看到闻到吃到福到财到国庆节到了祝国庆快乐天天好心情并提前祝你们全家中秋愉快
10.国庆中秋欢乐日,亲朋好友共聚时!衷心祝您全家节日快乐!
11.圣诞快乐!
12.Merry Christmas!;-)
13.你们玩吧,天气应该适合下水吧,看看房价多少钱,赶快在那里买套房,将来常住避寒
14.元旦将到，祝你上班偷偷笑，下班活蹦乱跳，嘴里亨着小曲，不知不觉跑调，早上叽哩呱啦乱叫，晚上唏哩呼噜睡觉，醒来一看吓一跳，枕边全是钞票！
15.有无去中华广场倒数啊?新年新希望,祝你们的一家身体健康!心想事成!事业腾飞!
16.各位同学：肃静肃静！咳咳！又到一年的最后一天了，我们循例要搞搞大扫除，大家请准备好抹布拖把，抹区尘垢拖走垃圾，迎接崭新一年！新一年里继续好好学习，争取好成绩！咳咳...
17.Happy New Year*^^*
18.等到 盼到 元旦到 节到 喜到 快乐到 福到 财到 运气到 收到 看到 祝福到 祝：元旦快乐！想到做到！
19.谢谢，很合用
20.你个仔几大个啦?我好似都未见过,可惜我今晚要加班.

**************************************************************